Mental health

Yes, I'm being unsubtle but screw prose, male mental health is a serious issue that should be openly discussed.

So, if you read back I've talked about throwing away boxes of antidepressants, taking drugs and drink (ironically as therapy) and suicide. No spoilers but I'm back in therapy.

So during the break, I lost a job (and how to frame that might be the challenge of this series of blog posts). Id been doing so well but as a manager I decided to grow and more to a different warehouse unit and well, in my biased opinion, being halfway competent didn't endear me to management.

Long story short, that job loss triggered my anxiety and depression, as well as hidden Complex PTSD. Funny how getting dragged to therapy can uncover things. To paraphrase the Titanic Muesem, I was fine before I went to therapy.

I'm by no means the only one in my circles with mental health issues. I'm all too familiar with the feeling of being FINE, even when you aren't and others can see it. Guess it just took a trained professional to see it.

So currently in therapy.

Anxiety is a hell of a mind fuck, constantly telling me im wrong  and I've missed something vital, but when coupled with depression, it's an absolute burning storm because your mind simultaneously tells you you've cocked something up while also robbing you of your drive to fix it, even when vital things like jobs depend on it. Add to that the autistic paranoia that you're missing social cues and tones (the joke translation of the phrase: "as per my last email" meaning "learn to fucking read" is a good example), and I'm honestly surpised I get out of bed some days.

But then I realise that there are people much worse than I and I guess another day in work won't kill me. Oh woe is me with my job and sustainable income and life partner and dog.

This month is autism awareness month, so I should find some way to capitalise on that. Oh well next week......