beyond offensive

So, this post did open with a joke about having no prep, and not keeping notes and how I was winging it. Yeah, well, I had just finished the saga the post became and BAM! the app died and lost my entire thing. I won't lie, there was am iPad smashing melt down and I needed a few hours to distract myself. I will try to remember the original content as much as possible but all that springs to mind is some cheap Donald Trump jokes (don't worry, after his treatment of the disabled, they're staying).

Anyway:

Four times a year I work on a camp site. It's a lot of fun, but it also involves long long days, mostly starting at about nine am (or sunrise, if there's a problem) and running right through to about three am. It can be hours of dullness that needs to be filled with self provided entertainment (mostly in the form of taking the piss out of colleagues and eating), interspersed with various odd jobs. It can be stressful, as issues arise and I resist slapping people (its not "customer friendly" apparently), but it is hours of fun. As you might imagine, this can create an environment where Aspy traits can be exacerbated, and expressed in a slightly less than ideal situations, as tiredness and stress are major factors in loss of control.

The boss, Bee, is a skilled people person and has a good knowledge of any and all of my conditions. She often spots the beginnings of melt down, or the effect of tiredness on my ability to interact with customers, and provide a level headed response (without the aforementioned slapping). In these instances, she knows I need to be relieved and sent to my tent for a good nights sleep (I'll be in my bunk is said more times in a day than I care to count, usually to something repulsive). She has come up with a name for this situation, my deterioration and increased need to get away from social situations. That phrase?

"Offensively Aspy"

Hold! Stop. No, do not jump to comments to tell me a blog I've set up to spread awareness about Cerebral Palsy Aspergers is using something you find upsetting. Communication in Aspergers is vital, as many Aspys miss social cues, detest sarcasm and simply can't read between the lines. (I've blogged about communication here). The phrase "offensively Aspy" is a fast, effective, short hand to sum up my current behaviour and is an easy instruction to both myself and the team for what has to happen next (I get to go eat and go to bed). I am, obviously, unaware that things are going badly, so a quick verbal cue gets me out before something goes really wrong and there's fences to mend (or ignore in grumpy ways).

So what happens when I hit peak traits? When there's no Bee to tell me to get to bed? I go completely non-verbal. Total silence. It's as if my jaw clamps shut, the nerves refuse to work and my voice box packs it in. At the same time, my internal voice ramps it up to eleven. I swear its Donald Trump acting like a lobotomised gorilla at a rally (OK, so acting like himself), loud enough for the person next to me to hear it. It's like my own boom box, and it goes right up my nose, because it says everything I wish I could verbalise. Last time it happened, my local shop worker commented that I always put food in for the Food Bank and how sweet I am for it. I COULDN'T PHYSICALLY THANK HER, so I smiled (and thanked her a few days later). I can guess this is how it feels to be non-verbal all the time, and as part of that I find texting valuable (have yet to text anyone "help I can't talk"). It's a basic coping mechanism used in non-verbal but because I have high functioning Aspergers, my verbal skills are generally good (I pass my sarcasm off as dry wit and the British eat it up). It also only lasts until after I've slept, so it's clearly a transient phenomenon (someone told me big words make me look clever).

So, thoughts to ponder.  In silence......

Please follow on Facebook (The Aspy Journey reloaded) and Twitter (@TheAspyJourneyReload) for articles, news, updates about my inability to get the name of the blof right, and stuff.

Yes, I know i said Sunday, but after last weeks schedule issue, I'm putting it up now.....

  

Reasons for returns

So last week, I rather lazily announonced that resolution one of the new year was restart the blog. Oh God how I regret that now, with the sheer empty headedness that comes from not having anything to say.

Well, it's said you should write and see what comes out, a bit like when you up your hand over your mouth when you're afraid that if you open it the truth will fall out. So let's start with a story.

First week of the new year, I was running the department, rather than just being a lazy slacker as always. This involved both office work (yawn) and being on the production floor. Two hours into my day shift on the floor and I feel something give in my left shoe. Hobble to the work station and get shoe off. My left foot strap on my orthotic had snapped where the bolt connected to the foot plate. 

Fantastic.

I have no shoes that fit my feet as I go up a shoe size to fit the orthotics, I can't spend another ten hours on my feet trusting my shoe to hold everything together, and I certainly can't go home (OK, that did cross my mind, I'll admit, the thoughts of a soft sweet bed, all ready for me to fall back into, but then I've survived long enough in the work environment and life without the plastic supports, and I'll be damned if a little damage is going to make me a helpless cripple now). Kiwi, my Oz colleague, throws gaffer tape at me. Only one thing to do now.

So I bind the orthotic, strap and all, together over my foot, get my shoe back on and get moving. To say the new hire was a little aghast is perhaps an understatement but he laughed as I hobbled back out onto the floor.

So, with one broken orthotic I can't go on indefinitely, I need to call for repairs. Taking a break, I rang orthotics in QMC (Nottingham) who booked me nine am the next morning for repair. I jog round to the general manager and let him know. I'll be in to do essential office work but I must be in QMC for nine. He was fantastic, checked I was ok to continue and told me if there was any issues I could go immediately. 

Things get better: arrived to QMC for repair, they took my legs with a smile and told me about forty five minutes. Time for a hot chocolate in the cafe. Now, I should explain I wear three piece suits when I'm doing office work. I feel that dressing up shows respect for the role, fellow managers and the staff. Also doesn't hurt I look human in a suit. Three times in QMC I got asked if I was a consultant. Now I have no medical knowledge or skills, so an apologetic "no" was all I could give.

Forty minutes later, warm from tasty hot chocolate, I arrive back to be handed orthotics that had not just had a strap repaired but had all four straps replaced, and new padding both lining the joints and in the straps. It was a full service and over hall, I'm now whisper quiet when I move (they'd taken to clicking at the hinge joint when I walked). It was like getting an only car that's had a full over haul.

So, I've been wearing them for a week and I've hit the down side, new straps eat into my feet, but it's a small price to break them back in. I also bought socks of various types to go with my refurbed legs.

So why restart the blog? To impress people and measure my self worth through page views......

I joke, mostly, but I thought maybe this journey isn't over. It will never be over. And I think the blog was beginning to touch subjects and ideas that could be greatly expanded. 

So, a minor mishap to start a blog.

Until next time, silent tread.

P.s. I've started a linked Facebook page: The Aspy Journey Reloaded

P.p.s: there is now also a Twitter @theaspyjourneyreload.

Follow those for photos, links to other sites, watch me fail to understand Twitter (I might read Trump Tweets to see how it works, I understand it s about being a big baby)!

Back once again.....

It's been a year and two months since I updated. I guess life gets in the way and we forget. So, while New Years resolutions are complete bunk, I may have decided that Sunday is my new update day. This, I will stress, has nothing to do with the fact it's Sunday morning and I've decided to start blogging again shut up, I can't hear you la la la la.

Plan of action is an update every Sunday. This gives me a week of wacky japes to get up to so I don't feel like I have nothing to say and am obligated to say it. There might be random check ins as things happen, and things might change if life gets interesting but with a demanding work life and another new girlfriend (yeah yeah, rubbish at relationships) I hint once weekly updates is a good start. What form these updates take will be determined by what happens.

In the mean time, I've started a Facebook page The Aspy Journey Reloaded, so that I can link Facebook resources and other links without needing my iPad/craptop. Please check it out too. 

I'll be doing something similar with Twitter as soon as I download the app/ create a page and oh god I'm going back to bed zzzzzzzz

For now, as Chris Hadfield would say, soft landings.

there are times.

I'm sure I've mentioned that I was doing a second degree, but if I hadn't, I'm doing a second degree.

Why am i doing a second degree? Because, unsupported I managed to get a 3 Honours degree, and a 3 isn't enough to do a masters, so I'm doing some degree modules to try and gain enough points to do a Masters.

Or you know, i could just realise I'm dumb and jack it all in.

The benefit to being disabled, for once, is that the university support is great. I can (and have) extend my time for submission, and I have availed of support in uni (I even have a named member of staff).

I'm sure many readers know that all these things are available, but having had no academic support for my first degree, its still novel.

I suppose that, while disabilities are not an excuse, they can be included and alleviated to gain support. With the right adjustments and support, life gets a little easier.

So I had a bit of a surprise when i renewed my energy supplier (a yearly ritual that I feel I have to do to try and get the best deals etc, because i might be missing out. I might also be owed PPI or have been in a serious accident, who knows). My energy supplier asked if I was disabled. There's no point in saying no, so explained all the intricacies of my life, having to spell some of the more obscure disabilities (like cerebral palsy and aspergers) and just sum the rest up as "learning difficulties".

I thought, like everything else i've ever filled in, was just for statistics or something. However, I'm now entitled to priority energy supply should there be a power cut. This is to power my hospital bed, my electric wheelchair, tube feed pump device and iron lung, none of which I currently own (hospital beds are uncomfortable, and at present I am able to walk mostly unaided). It was  a nice and generous thought, and I am glad that my provider has the thoughtfulness to priorities those who rely on electricity to live, and it strikes me that possibly it's a law. Ofgem, the regulator of energy providers has a document about the care of vulnerable customers.

Always good to know, even if I don't need anything of the sort.

quick shout out.

So while I struggle to write a coherent and sensible (and sourced post) about the benefits and flexibility of society to adapt to disability, I thought I'd do a quick product placement, um I mean comment on something I found helpful when I first got my orthtoics.

Way back in February (which in terms of how little I update this blog, is about ten lifetimes) I posted about the Rub, basically the pressure damage that my not yet broken in orthtoics where doing to my delicate girl feet. In it i discussed silicon stripes that I had found that acted as a pressure relieving layer to prevent rubbing and damage. The downside was, of course, that they had fallen off and slide under my foot and become painful to walk on (as things do when you walk on them).

I met the rep from the company today and even showcased my blog, so smiles all round.

Anyway shameless plug to fill the gap while I wrestle with a topic of both interest and I suspect division.

Night all.

(Please note that I am not being sponsored to post this, it was just a helpful tip at the time and I had reason to show a rep today).

Poor sleep

I haven't had sleep deprivation for a while, so I might as well enjoy some now.

I slept for no less than 13 hours yesterday so I guess it's pay back tonight. That said, I also may have made a minor cock up in work and it's keeping me awake, but lets not get into semantics.

It is odd things that worry me. A late file won't bother me if I've got a reasonable excuse, but a forgotten attachment will keep me pacing (and having a meltdown) for hours if I don't feel like I'm on solid ground.

I'm sure everyone suffers from this, but I occasionally feel trapped, unable to settle until i have an answer one way or the other. I have no off button, no system to simply decide i can wait and sleep. I have been told to create a 'bin bag' in my mind that I just trash can my day into and leave it behind.

Sleep loss doesn't help either. It means I'm awake for hours and hours, dozing in work, losing my ability to control my meltdowns, or even having meltdowns altogether.

It'll negatively effect me, and I'll blog later (or tomorrow) to tell you how it went.....

spelling errors and updates

So, it's been three months again. I swear I get time off, I just don't have anything to blog about. That said, I met an old friend on Sunday and she told me I should blog about my life.

Prepare to be bored.

First off, I've decided to go back to using my laptop to blog. Using mobile devices seems to get me auto corrected to hell, thanks greatly to my inability to proofread.

I suppose a general update is in order for my first post in a while.

1) Orthotics are working well, due to delightful redness and rubbing I had them widened recently. this has reduced the pressure on my feet but now lefty has a habit of trapping air on the way up stairs and making......noises.

2) I finished physio, and have now got to continue it through my own devices. I've joined a gym. If you've read my blog, you'll guess that it too has fallen by the way side.  I need to go back, it was making a difference, although I still have a beer gut and one moob.

3) I'm watching TV shows, marathons are the best. They make great background for blogging?

4) I'm working like nobodies business. Some body promoted me.

I'll start trying to update more often, drawing development from posts in the past that needed more review. Also, being able to schedule post should let me blog in one day and have a weeks worth of posts.

Good to be back (until I forget again)

side note: My blogging platforms spell check doesn't recognise the word "blog"