success.

Today was spent building and admiring hobby related items. While most of my thought processes during this where: oohh that'd look good/I think I might be hungry?/come on glue hurry up and stick I need to pee, some of it (mostly near the end where I was satisfied with my work) turned to the measurement of success. How do we measure success, and how should I measure my success? It's easy enough with hobby: this morning I had parts, now I have an army that'll be wiped out with one well placed enemy sneeze (I'm not kidding either, nearly my entire army has no armour saves). It's measurable success, I now have a tool that will allow me to participate in the meeting of others and their laughter and scorn.

Success is measured by different people in different ways. there is an info graphic online of the rise and fall of success where not peeing yourself is considered success at both ages 3 and 60. The Online Dictionary defines success as the achievement of something desired, attempted or planned. So today was a success because I now have something to show off and strike fear into peoples hearts, something I desired, attempted and planned.

What does success mean to an Aspy? I cannot be an authority on the subject by any stretch and I'm sure this topic will be expanded or revisited in future posts. Also I'm very sure that many Aspys will not think of their success, as many are people in their middle years who have been newly or recently diagnosed and while they have answers to questions left unasked, they also have blended well enough to hold a job, have families, and succeed by any ones measurement.

While I don't go for the sickeningly sweet praise of 'how good someone was', or that 'one should be proud of how well they did' as if Aspies are completely incapable and one was the good puppy who made it out of the house before widdling, I do wonder if maybe we should pat ourselves on the back from time to time for what we accomplish or achieve. If we should look at how hard we have worked for our goals?

I have a Honours Science degree that I gained with no support for my Dyslexia, and with no knowledge of my Aspergers at all. I am now trying to patch together a masters from module courses that fit around my work and social life. That is success that society recognises in anyone, and promotes as a 'good' way to be a productive member of society. Many people say I have done well to even get a career and pick myself up from disaster in the past (I attribute this to me being too bone headed to do anything else), even though currently I am not riding the heights my career could take me to. I've been offered an 'in' into those more glamorous ends due to my encyclopedic knowledge of certain topics, but so far I have hesitated to accept. I don't feel ready.

Maybe success for Aspies should be measured with another yard stick. Could success perhaps be something more intangible like navigating a social situation, or even having contact with another human. I have friends and have had girlfriends, something my NT friends seem to fail at. I must admit I cheat: I count matchsticks into a match box, then tell a girl I'm an Aspy with the superpower to count items really fast, ask her to throw the matchsticks on a table and then I shout the number I just 'counted' and let her pick them up. Never fails.

Anyway my cheating aside, perhaps success is just being able to spend an hour with a crowd, an hour without talking obsessively about our favourite topic (did I mention my army?).  Even just having a conversation without making a faus pax. A day where we weren't overwhelmed by sensations. that last one is a tough one, as we cannot always avoid what will trigger a sense, like I cannot avoid a strong smell.

I do believe we should reach for the heavens, even if our rocket is a firework and our safety briefing involved the words: crash landing. Aspys shouldn't listen to 'advice' given by experts about how well we will do, what we should expect from life or our ability to achieve. We should have our own yards stick, that isn't set by some arbitary society rule. Money and fame aren't success, but getting to talk to a friend for five minutes might be.