After an entire year of waiting, I finally saw a nuero doctor earlier this week. Within a week, I already have a hip x ray appointment. It's ok, I didn't want children anyway. While this is a a step forward to finding out why my gait is dodgy, it got me thinking about something else. That flippant joke about xrays fixing me? Yeah that.
The more I've learnt in the last year about myself the more I'm left questioning if I should have children. Is it fair to have children when one partner has two disabilities and a nuero-biological disorder? I am fairly sure I could cope with support with a child (i.e. the babies mother, my parents etc), my question arises from is it fair to know that I have 'bottlenecked' all these different 'problems' (this ability, THIS ABILITY) and know that I am willingly playing genetic roulette to get a result.
I suppose we all play the game when we create children, and Downs, CP etc do randomly appear with no suggestion in either parent. When those children are born they are still loved and have every right to a full and happy life. I know what I have, and while people don't know exactly if the disorders I have are genetically passed on, should I have children to fulfill a possible need in me by bringing a child into the world who faces years of hardship and extra courses? Not that I currently have that urge, babies put me off mankind, at least when a dog wees on the carpet it's cute.
So I guess what I'm saying is that if and when I do want children, i don't just need to be financially ready, with a nice house etc etc, but also ready for unexpected surprises, one of which maybe of course that my off spring have avoided all I have to give them.
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