Queuing

The last post was a little, em, heavy so just a quick note about what I love about living in the UK.

People Que, for EVERYTHING, and it runs very deep that it should be done properly. It gives order to life, even done in small parts.

Oh sweet sense of justice, how people regulate the Q themselves and how people tut when some one skips or won't let people off buses and trains first. Of course, it wouldn't be British to actually complain.......

The Atheist Aspy

Wish I'd thought of that as my blog title. Oh well, too late now.

Straight into this minefield, because I'll annoy Aspys, Atheists and the religious community. Moments when I wish I was a penguin......

I was raised Roman Catholic, and many of my life references and touch stones, even still, revolve around this world view. I enjoy Christian holidays, I understand Western view points because in the majority the West is Christian, although this is changing (no I will not be dissecting the move of Islam into western culture, or the divide etc. I find Islam to be a very sensible religion. SHOCK an atheist said he finds religion sensible on the Internet, bring out the pitchforks).

Now, as many may know, RC isn't a religion one simply leaves. I don't mean a priest stands at the door with a gun and a Bible or that they ask you to return forms in triplicate with references from every teacher who ever had to suffer you as a student, signed in the blood of at least one martyr. RC just moves you in category from active to lapsed.

Now I'm sure there is an official way to leave, involving forms in triplicate and questions about what I was doing the third Sunday of May in 1997 at 16:45. Life appears a bit too short for these things, and I don't even fill in half the forms I should fill in (like job applications and birthday cards. Sorry Mum/Dad/random family), and it never hurts to have a back up plan (I cite Voltaire as my inspiration).
Slowly, like a flan in a cupboard, I've collapsed into Atheism. Not angry atheism, before anyone thinks I'm out to rip up Bibles and take a hammer to Churches. Just no real belief in anything organised about God. It has led to some insights and thoughts, and some very strange discussions.

I generally find that a live and let live policy works best, and an almost American Libertarian view of: 'you do what you want all you like, as long as it doesn't impact me.' Unfortunately American atheism and its current battles impact my views (thanks YouTube), but also inform my thoughts.

There is nothing wrong with believing in something that might (and could even plausibly) be true, like a God in general, or even a Christian God specifically, and i know many good people who's lives are shaped and informed by their beliefs. One of my favourite moments in the last year was discussing respect for others beliefs and the idea laid down in the American Constitution that freedom of religion means freedom from religion with a friend and despite the fact that she is a believer and I'm not particularly inclined, our world views and policy run along very similar lines.

So we come to the crux of my argument (because there is a lot of ground to cover, and one post won't cover it all, I'm not St Bridget with my magic cloak). I like science, I use science every day, it provides a foundation for the knife edge that modern society is based on (we're three square meals away from anarchy may no longer be the case, we are twenty four hours with out wifi before the collapse of modern civilisation). Science is a way of knowing, a way of learning about both ourselves and the universe. Science shows us everything from the first millisecond of the universe, to where humans came from, to how to feed humanity. It is based on fact and rigorously reviewed and checked. It is self correcting, things we thought we knew thirty years ago, we don't know at all. science is what beats diseases, is currently fighting to contain Ebola ( arguments over whether or not the with holding of treatment is politically motivated or runs along racial lines is for a different post or blog, although my faith in humanity would be shaken to the core if someone provided proof that people would be left to suffer because of their skin colour.)

This is when my hand starts going for the lead pipe, when people start telling me that science isn't true, that it is disproved by incomplete, non peer reviewed studies conducted by people with questionable degrees and morals (yes I went there: who can honestly tell people they will get rich by giving money to church?).

The most eloquent response to this is Dara O'Briain, an Irish comedian. I'll share a link but in essence he says:

"Science knows it doesn't know everything, otherwise it would stop. That doesn't mean you can fill in the gaps with whatever fairy story you like".

http://youtu.be/uDYba0m6ztE

While having an original thought in my head is more entertaining, I really cannot put it better than more prominent figures who actually have traffic, unlike small timers like me who blur into the back ground along with every other blogger. That said, another voice in the darkness that's not shouting 'I told you so' when it is too late might just help. Its why i started this blog (although I started it to share my Aspy experiences, not expressly my love of science), as a voice to show that Aspys can function and are people and we walk amongst you, and if there was anything I learnt that might help others.

This post has to end at some stage, and I went wildly off topic, so this topic will be revisited, although its a heavy one to talk about.

for now lets be Penguins in minefields.......

(That clip covers a lot that i agree with, this is blogging for slackers)

Twice now.

About three years ago, a while after my London reassessment, I went for an eye check mainly to utilise the tint test that I had undergone. I had never worn glasses in my life, but I had friends in school (in London, because in Ireland learning differences simply mean you're stupid and should be held back a year to catch up to the other classes. Oops, the stuff I say when I'm tired!) and I remember that the glasses went down like a lead balloon, the sixties having passed in a haze of smoke and tinted glasses no linger being groovy. 

But with a diagnosis of dyspraxia (seriously considering getting a counter plug-in that pings every time I mention a difference), and the tint specifics in my pocket, I headed to the eye doc. Turns out I have a stigmatise too, so I actually need glasses for reason beyond needing to look off. And that is how I felt. That wearing purple tint glasses was just a giant billboard declaring:

"Warning! Defective product." 

As I went to collect them, I ran into a friend who told me they would look cool due to the return of hipness and girls in alternative bars would swarm me (this has yet to happen, but I live in hope). A friend accepting that I needed tinted goggles made it easier, but every time I used them they got commented on, and while not always negative, made me self conscious. So the glasses went in a box.  One pair got scratched beyond use and the other pair popped a screw. 

Recently, under some "guidance", I repaired my glasses and began using them again, only for them to fall out of my pocket in work and pop a screw again. This time, the tiny screw managed a Houdini, so it was a walk down to the local optometrist. While repairing them, for free I might add, he mentioned an article in the Lancet recently that threw doubt on the usefulness of tint (I'll link in a future post, if I find it).

How does this all tie into the title?

Well turns out I have had a bigger billboard that I didn't realise and no one seems to spot, or comment on, and in the last two years I have had two random, friendly people, comment. 

Last year in a cafe, a gent at the next table watched me walk in and then told me it was Cerbral palsy. We talked and he kindly bought me tea, tell me that we should stick together. It was touching and while I am biased, confirmed the diagnosis I was awaiting.

The second time it happened was today, a gent on the bus asked as I sat down, making me smile. I now have a nice letter telling me what's different with me.

It makes me comfortable with my glasses, with how i walk and how I am.

Just a thought.

Just thinking

I set this blog up to follow my new journey into the diagnosis of CP.

Meanwhile, during the ad break, I did that.

So guess that wraps up this blog quite neatly.

Goodnight.

Mybe i'll do a montage clip show later.......

The biggest change

So, during our short commercial break, a few things changed. 

I moved job. 

I changed partner. (Her observations will feature in this blog, as often they are both hilariously true and scarily insightful.)

And I moved house.

The last bit is the biggest bit of news. I have lived on my own before, and for some Aspies it is a huge achievement, something some community nurses strive to achieve as an end goal to give an Aspie some sense of independence and freedom. 

I have never successfully lived on my own before. As discussed previously, success can be measured by many different yard sticks, and I suppose that by some degree, simply being an Aspie living on my own is a success. However, to quote the aforementioned partner out of context: are you reconsidering acting like a functioning person. 

Yes. Yes I am.

Previously while living anywhere, my living quarters has devolved into a pile of unwashed clothes and takeaway food cartons surrounding a bed made with sheets that didn't know what the inside of a washing machine looked like.

When I started my blog, I was house sharing with two guys and living in a variant of the aforementioned mess. I can now proudly say that I have moved into a two bed apartment, one room for sleeping, the other for reading/doing office work/having guests stay (now if only I had friends), and it's been relatively mess free for an entire month.

Achievement unlocked, living like an adult.

Diagnosis: probably

So, last time we looked I was enjoying an MRI brain scan that won me a bet on whether or not I had a brain, and was looking at a probable diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy. 

A year later (the narrator in my life was not kind enough to simply say "ahem, some time later"), and a spine scan later, I have a piece of paper that states I have probable mild cerebral palsy and Poland Syndrome.

I, very luckily, was offered physiotherapy  treatment very quickly, and have begun doing simple exercises to begin to rectify problems. Interesting things have been brought to my attention by the physio, like I throw my body forward to drag my legs after me and I need to stand up straighter and allow my legs to pendulum swing, thus reducing my need to drag my weaker right leg after me.

I'm feeling the difference already, with my current partner noting that I am taller when I try to wiggle my hips to create leg swing. 

What I always wanted, bum wiggle.

A break apparently

So I went for coffee and a sandwich and now it is a year and a half later and I haven't updated my blog. It's been a good year and half. Will have to blog about it some time.

More soon (ish) 

Paul