The Atheist Aspy

Wish I'd thought of that as my blog title. Oh well, too late now.

Straight into this minefield, because I'll annoy Aspys, Atheists and the religious community. Moments when I wish I was a penguin......

I was raised Roman Catholic, and many of my life references and touch stones, even still, revolve around this world view. I enjoy Christian holidays, I understand Western view points because in the majority the West is Christian, although this is changing (no I will not be dissecting the move of Islam into western culture, or the divide etc. I find Islam to be a very sensible religion. SHOCK an atheist said he finds religion sensible on the Internet, bring out the pitchforks).

Now, as many may know, RC isn't a religion one simply leaves. I don't mean a priest stands at the door with a gun and a Bible or that they ask you to return forms in triplicate with references from every teacher who ever had to suffer you as a student, signed in the blood of at least one martyr. RC just moves you in category from active to lapsed.

Now I'm sure there is an official way to leave, involving forms in triplicate and questions about what I was doing the third Sunday of May in 1997 at 16:45. Life appears a bit too short for these things, and I don't even fill in half the forms I should fill in (like job applications and birthday cards. Sorry Mum/Dad/random family), and it never hurts to have a back up plan (I cite Voltaire as my inspiration).
Slowly, like a flan in a cupboard, I've collapsed into Atheism. Not angry atheism, before anyone thinks I'm out to rip up Bibles and take a hammer to Churches. Just no real belief in anything organised about God. It has led to some insights and thoughts, and some very strange discussions.

I generally find that a live and let live policy works best, and an almost American Libertarian view of: 'you do what you want all you like, as long as it doesn't impact me.' Unfortunately American atheism and its current battles impact my views (thanks YouTube), but also inform my thoughts.

There is nothing wrong with believing in something that might (and could even plausibly) be true, like a God in general, or even a Christian God specifically, and i know many good people who's lives are shaped and informed by their beliefs. One of my favourite moments in the last year was discussing respect for others beliefs and the idea laid down in the American Constitution that freedom of religion means freedom from religion with a friend and despite the fact that she is a believer and I'm not particularly inclined, our world views and policy run along very similar lines.

So we come to the crux of my argument (because there is a lot of ground to cover, and one post won't cover it all, I'm not St Bridget with my magic cloak). I like science, I use science every day, it provides a foundation for the knife edge that modern society is based on (we're three square meals away from anarchy may no longer be the case, we are twenty four hours with out wifi before the collapse of modern civilisation). Science is a way of knowing, a way of learning about both ourselves and the universe. Science shows us everything from the first millisecond of the universe, to where humans came from, to how to feed humanity. It is based on fact and rigorously reviewed and checked. It is self correcting, things we thought we knew thirty years ago, we don't know at all. science is what beats diseases, is currently fighting to contain Ebola ( arguments over whether or not the with holding of treatment is politically motivated or runs along racial lines is for a different post or blog, although my faith in humanity would be shaken to the core if someone provided proof that people would be left to suffer because of their skin colour.)

This is when my hand starts going for the lead pipe, when people start telling me that science isn't true, that it is disproved by incomplete, non peer reviewed studies conducted by people with questionable degrees and morals (yes I went there: who can honestly tell people they will get rich by giving money to church?).

The most eloquent response to this is Dara O'Briain, an Irish comedian. I'll share a link but in essence he says:

"Science knows it doesn't know everything, otherwise it would stop. That doesn't mean you can fill in the gaps with whatever fairy story you like".

http://youtu.be/uDYba0m6ztE

While having an original thought in my head is more entertaining, I really cannot put it better than more prominent figures who actually have traffic, unlike small timers like me who blur into the back ground along with every other blogger. That said, another voice in the darkness that's not shouting 'I told you so' when it is too late might just help. Its why i started this blog (although I started it to share my Aspy experiences, not expressly my love of science), as a voice to show that Aspys can function and are people and we walk amongst you, and if there was anything I learnt that might help others.

This post has to end at some stage, and I went wildly off topic, so this topic will be revisited, although its a heavy one to talk about.

for now lets be Penguins in minefields.......

(That clip covers a lot that i agree with, this is blogging for slackers)

Just thinking

I set this blog up to follow my new journey into the diagnosis of CP.

Meanwhile, during the ad break, I did that.

So guess that wraps up this blog quite neatly.

Goodnight.

Mybe i'll do a montage clip show later.......

follow up thoughts

Ok, so that last post was short on content and long on spelling errors.  So to make up for that, I'm going to try to disassemble my thoughts and feelings, such as they are, on my 'probable' diagnosis. This isn't any easy thing for a couple of reasons.

Firstly, I don't see how this affects me overly much. Ok so my walk is odd, and I wear through shoes like their going out of fashion, but I have yet to fall and numerous girlfriends have either told me they see nothing wrong, or that they never notice it. I do have a walking stick but I rarely use it (I'll get to when I do later). I have walked like this for years, with people commenting on it (mainly in work, it's not like people come up to me in the street). I don't notice my walk, and therefore I don't know how to react to a diagnosis that adds nothing beyond another label. I know this sounds cynical as my Aspy diagnosis has caused huge changes in the last two years.

Secondly, it may not be  about the CP at all. It is an underlying cause, the question is what damage is it doing to my hips or legs (or shoes). I had a hip xray over a week ago, so even if the problem isn't directly linked to my hips (an alternate hypothesis), I'll know if years of stumbling through life has done joint damage. So the changes I could see might include things like orthotics and leg supports (or surgery!).

You may ask why I'm taking about about walking linked to CP, but a form of CP is called Ataxic, and I walk like a manky dog. Link 

Enjoy

'probably'

Following my examination just before I started this blog, I got my copy of the medical report for the GP.

The most important word currently in that diagnosis is the word 'probably'.

A CP diagnosis is based on a detailed history and a physical exam. A MRI scan can be used to identify the source of the CP but not to confirm diagnosis.

So the statement in full is: probably mild CP.

I focused on the probably, it's a qualitative word, leaving doubt even through its certainty. A friend focused on the mild. I'm a little torn.

I'm trying to think it through right now, but I will blog more about it soon. I feel apathetic about it right now, when people seem to expect me to be overloaded.

procrastilaxing

Yes that is a real word. Sadly.

I don't know how, but my diagnosis was riddled with things that are true, without me having to say so much as a word. One of the things picked up on is my inability to motivate myself outside of a structured environment. My 'starting mechanism' is faulty. Interestingly, this is something I have yet to tackle with my Aspy nurse, who has been tied in knots trying to improve my work life.

Getting moving in doing things that interest me takes a lot of effort, and then I'm suddenly surprised by how easy and enjoyable that thing I was putting off is. It's like there's a block, a barrier that makes things loom high above me and I'm afraid to touch it in case it collapses on me. I am like electricity, i take the easiest route and I occasionally shock.

This ties into a lot of my life, study, hobby, going to the shops to buy stuff. I will revisit this topic in future as i develop strategies and tactics and see how I improve, but for now I thought I would just mention it.